miavis from last night

[wolfymcwolf]

you know what to do

Comments

[wolfymcwolf]

1. If anything, I'd say curfew encourages day-drinking.

2. We were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasn't yours.

3. Change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat chocolate and try not to die.

4. I woke up saran wrapped to a chair...

5. I'm just saying, maybe filling water balloons with firewhiskey was not our best idea.

[engorgimpressed]

1. I am pants-free in the biggest sitting room. This is liberating.

2. I don't know where I'm at, but I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.

3. So I've already made 5 bad decisions today!

4. It's Wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK!

5. Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.

[fishpetals]

1. What happened to you last night?

2. It's 9am and I've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails.

3. Sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night, I was actually just checking if you had a pulse.

4. The last thing I remember is the absinthe.

5. How soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker?

[fixating]

1. You tore a poster off of a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.

2. I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk.

3. The shopkeeper looked at my basket, looked at me, and said "that's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "mother." She nodded approvingly.

4. I'd call the fact that I ended up in my own bed a huge success.

5. I'm sure the glass of wine you asked for after being taken in by Aurors would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit while you were there.

[lissomely]

1. Sitting in a bubble bath getting a pedicure from guy I met last night. I can't remember his name. You?
2. I'm on a no morals kick.
3. I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrists from last night.
4. Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

[chaungen]

1. Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
2. Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
3. Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.

[alwaysreturns]

1. Apparently when the bouncer wouldn't let me back in I screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
2. I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
3. I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country.

[cottaged]

1. Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
   I'm right under the moon!
   
   
2. I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
   
   
3. I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
   
   
4. Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Sweetea?

[westhamwizard]

1. My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
   
   
2. the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
   
   
3. He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
   
   
4. WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high

[inclusiveness]

1. One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
   
   
2. One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even first years know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
   
   
3. I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

[witchilante]

1. It's my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.

2. How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?

3. Thinking about fake proposing to this girl just so the middle aged woman next to us will buy us drinks. That broke.

4. Didn't work out. First thing he did after he took his pants off was the helicopter.

[contumelies]

1. Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mum.
2. I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
3. I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
4. Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.

[scarify]

1. i intend to get homeless drunk
2. i'm not gettin off this floor i love this floor
3. i couldn't think o the word bath so instead i told him i was marinatin n soapy water
4. ty for remindin me that i stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearin a bird's pants

[dumbles]

1. Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse

2. He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. This is my life.

3. I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...

[rattus_rattus]

1. Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.

2. Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.

3. On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2

this is terrible you want in on it

[malveillance]

1. After she sent the owl to her mum she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

2. I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!

3. By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?

Aberforth, what?

[friendofgoats]

1. i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

2. The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

3. i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

4. I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?